I just got back from a business “road trip” and I’ll tell you what – I have a full appreciation for the players that travel for away games and try to maintain some sort of life while doing it.
First of all – you pack up a couple of bags with sort of the essentials of what you will need to survive and I do mean SURVIVE a hotel.

For me it was getting to my joint and busting out the latest edition of Sports Illustrated magazine and using it as a “fan” when I discovered that my room’s Air Conditioner was about as useful as Carl Pavano – you know, not quite broken, yet blowing out something that could be classified as “air” but the stuff was “stale”, “stagnant” and “musty.”

I subscribe to MLBTV and I thought I was set when the computer I packed for the trip would double as my entertainment and I would watch the Yankee games from the comfort of my “away bed.”

HOLD UP!!!

Let’s see, the term FREE INTERNET CONNECTION must be some sort of marketing ploy or maybe the “free” part of FREE INTERNET CONNECTION really meant that the “hole” in the wall with that “cable” thing sticking out was “free” to “use” while you connected and PAID for service!!!!

ALRIGHT

I “PAID” for the Internet Service and the option was $9.95 a day which counted down from the time you signed on, regardless of the “actual” time you used it – USELESS!!!!

I WATCHED ONE GAME AND WE LOSS!!!!!

“Hello room service, I would like to order your classic hamburger, fries and a large beer.”

WHAT?!!!

“You can order my burger and fries and the beer will have to be a soft drink because you can’t bring up alcholic beverages!!!!”

So despite your boy here heating up after eating a “chick burger” (ladies, no offense) and “potato sticks” for a meal and washing it down with a “tasty beverage” that was a poor excuse for coke ( the glass was filled to the brim with “sweaty ice cubes” and I didn’t want to think about the local water and the rusted machine that spawned those “wretched icebergs” floating in my glass of what I call, “Recyled Tea.”

I’LL JUST COOL OFF IN THE SHOWER

So listen can anyone enlighten me on how one is supposed to get into the “crime lab” shower without “contaminating” your bare feet getting in and getting out and while standing in there?

So this whole trip, I had to settle on eating meals on the go and watching my sports either through highlights or hearing about them second hand.

SOMEONE PLEASE HOOK ME UP WITH THE COOL DETAILS OF THIS WEEK!

Peace,

(I don’t want to hear a hotel jingle anytime soon)

G-

Hey Manny,
Fill’er Up! – and while you’re at it, check the tires won’t ya.

Seriously, Manny’s Do-Rag in his back pocket is busting me up!

G-

Leave the gun, Take the CANO-li!
Robinson Cano just launched one!

G-

Who says a Big Toe can’t hit a homerun?!

Johnny Big Toe launched a killer “hang-nail!”

Bernie just tagged one over the fence too! – who needs Gary Sheffield!

2-1 Bombers!

Johhny just got a nice double off the wall!

Manny Ramirez Gets Mugged Of A Game Tying Homer And Mo Sticks A Shank In Da Sox To Finish Them Off!!!

Welcome to Da Bronx Manny – just feel lucky that you still have your wallet!
MELKY MUGGED MANNY!!! – whooo-hoo!

FINE SPORTS REEL MATERIAL!

So Big Papi just struck out against Kyle Farnsworth and he just mouthed the word FUDGE!!!!
MELKY!!!!!!!

HUGE MELKY GRAB AT THE WALL MUGS MANNY!!!!!!

FUDGE AND DRUDGE IN ONE BLESSED INNING!!!!

SHIMMY SHIMMY COCO POOOFFF!!!
“You know anything about Coco-cain Montana?” – Scarface

Whhooopssy St. Pauley Girl missed the goose egg and so did Loretta Lynn – haha!

When to run, I can’t begin to know whenBut then I know his arm ain’t strong

Oh, wasn’t my spring whoo
cause my spring was slow like summer

Who’d believe that ball would come along

Ball, touching glove, reaching out
Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Manny Swine
Good times never seem so good
I’ve been inclined to believe it never would…

Loved that high pitch to Manny – Get a haircut you hippy!
Nice swing Manny – FOREEE!

FAT BOYS CAN’T RUN!!!!

Still think Johnny’s arm is dead?!!!!

I think they rolled in oxygen for Manny during the commercial.

G-