Late Breaking News From Florida: Pavano A Clone?

This late breaking news from Florida is circulating the Internet and is brought to you exclusively by DA BRONX BOMBERS NEWS.

Larry King is reporting that a person apparently calling himself Howard. K. Pavano and bearing an uncanny resemblance to Howard K. Stern, has added his feather to the Anna Nicole Smith paternity hat.

George Steinbrenner went on record stating that the "Real Carl Pavano was out on his back during the alleged conception time frame" and that "the league has strict penalties on DNA cloning, so if Carl Pavano cloned himself while on the disabled list last year, he's in big trouble mister!"

Experts are debating whether Carl Pavano indeed cloned himself while on the disabled list last year in an attempt to resurrect his meager playing career with the New York Yankees.  Speculation is abound that former BALCO mastermind and mad pseudo-scientist Victor Conte has been implicated in what the press is dubbing "Test Tube Gate."

Apparently the real Howard K. Stern had hired Conte to synthesize his DNA with DNA retrieved from a lipstick sample belonging to the late Anna Nicole Smith, in an attempt to fool the courts into believing that Stern is the father of Smith's baby.

The plan back-fired when Carl Pavano also hired Conte to clone himself and the two test tubes intermingled, resulting in the genetic abomination calling itself Howard K. Pavano.

The clone seems to be pitching better than the "real thing" right now, but the lethal combination of the Stern and Pavano DNA is rapidly mutating, resulting in sudden emotional outbursts on the playing field.

George Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman are said to have "the clone" locked up in Johnny Damon's locker and that a definitive DNA test is to be performed soon.

Gotcha!

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